The unhealthy cycle
I was an OFW and worked in Saudi last 2012. During my stay there, I found myself involved in a toxic and unhealthy relationship which lasted for 4 years. I was yearning for love and affection, and the guy I was with was able to give me the love I was looking for, or so I thought.
I knew the relationship was not healthy, so every time I would sin, I’d watch The Feast videos and preaching videos of Joel Osteen to ease my guilt and shame. However, I ended up hating myself more because I couldn’t accept the reality that God loves me despite my flaws. In my mind, I always thought I was not enough, that I was ugly, and that I didn’t deserve His forgiveness and love. But God continued to do His works on me until the day I decided to end the relationship last year. With God’s divine help, I mustered the courage to tell the guy that I no longer wanted to stay with him. I then traveled back to the Philippines.
Breaking free from sin
In March this year, I attended FBA Sync. The guilt and shame from my earlier relationship had physical manifestations and affected my health – I experienced over fatigue, palpitations, anxiety attacks, appetite loss, insomnia, and hyperacidity. But God was so gracious and allowed me to heal through the help of Bro Didoy. I had a counseling session with him and he gave me the best prescription one could ever get — Gratitude, Grace, and Generosity.
He then encouraged me to attend the Lovelife Retreat. I realized that there’s nothing we can do to change God’s love for us. When we stumble and make mistakes, His mercy makes it possible for us to dust ourselves off, and run back to him. Because of LLR, I can now confidently say that I’m loved, I’m worthy, I’m wonderful, I’m beautiful, and I’m free.
Letting go and letting God
After the retreat, I went back to Saudi for a new job employment. Though away from my spiritual family, I maintained constant communication with my LG (Light Group) via Facebook Messenger. I also watched the Sync sessions online. However, work was not easy. I had misunderstandings with my employer and co-workers. With the prayers of my LG head and through God’s grace, I made the decision to once again fly back home to the Philippines.
I’ve been back for a month now, and I couldn’t be any happier. My family and friends support my decision. I easily found a job as a private-duty nurse. Most importantly, I am closer to my spiritual family. All the previous setbacks I had were God’s way of teaching me to allow Him to uncover His great plans for my life. What I needed to do was to just trust Him more.
The unhealthy cycle